Oh behave baby, yeah...

I have been corresponding the last few days with a very good friend, who has recently made some revelations that suggest some of her family members were mixed up in the crazy world of European wartime espionnage. And it got me thinking - do I have what it takes to be an ASIO or MI6 recruit?

Okay so we don't have to think too hard about that one.

But it's not that I don't have the requisite skills. Rather, I think it's just because the intelligence organisations are simply too picky. Consider the evidence, if you will. On the face of it, I think I look pretty good - but probing a bit deeper (and we know how the spies love to probe!), you'll find:

• I am fluent in three languages
  Granted it is a well-known fact that the initial reason Kate and I learned our foreign languages was so we could be trophy wives for rich French counts. Probably not something that ASIO would find appropriate.
  
• I am IT savvy
  Far from being able to hack into sophisticated military defence systems, I'm more interested in blogging, doing online crosswords, and working out the latest in the TomKat sham.
  
• I will take your personal secrets to the grave
  But not because I am the very soul of discretion, merely because I have a memory like a sieve and am likely to forget something you've told me the minute I hear it.
  
• I know things
  I may not be able to erect a tent, or converse with you about communism, or identify the Sultan of Burundi in a line-up, but the knowledge I do have will make your head spin. I can tell you the names of all the Beverly Hills 90210 characters, and sing the entire Bon Jovi back catalogue, and I can have the "M&Ms: Peanut versus Plain" debate until I'm hoarse.
  

I may be more of a Secret Squirrel than James Bond, but in a cute trench coat and mask (plus sparkly handbag to match), I could be pretty wily. And it's always the ones you least expect, remember.