I watch enough Food Network, and yet...

oat and coconut cookies
Originally uploaded by Saffron.

I can't bake.

I bought all the ingredients for ANZAC biscuits over the weekend and I really wanted to make some delicious delights for my work colleagues. I wasn't promising "Martha Stewart" quality, but I was going for edible at least. With Biggsy's jar of Golden Syrup fresh off the truck from Canada, I honestly thought I could do it.

So I had my realistic expectations for biscuits that would at least be palatable but instead, I ended up with BURNED TO A CRISPY CHARRED NIGHTMARE.

I should have quit while I was ahead really. I opened the container of flour - it went all over me. Ditto the oats. I am sure the langugae I came out with would have made sailors blush. And yet I trudged on, determined to bring a little taste of home back into my life. It is nearly ANZAC Day after all, and me and Mum used to make them all the time to commemorate the day.

I carefully spooned two trays-worth of mixture into uniform little biscuits and duly flattened them with a fork to create a cute little decorative touch (I've seen that on TV). And then my oven decided to be an utter pain in my ass and nuke the bottom tray and, just for good measure, make sharp-edged ninja weapon cookies with the contents of the top tray.

Even the ones that look tempting enough to eat have that lingering burnt taste.

I'm just too sad to try again, which I think is an even more depressing thought than realising that I ran onto the back porch with a smoking tray of biscuits lest a smoke detector go off and frighten the neighbours.

You know, I just thought that one or two biscuits would survive the carnage, but I'm too embarassed to take any of them into the office now.

And the real bummer is, I can't even stop off at the supermarket and buy some to pass off as my own. So I'm doing the next best thing and taking all of the ingredients into work tomorrow and asking Biggsy to bake them instead.