"So why are you still single?"

Thus began my conversation with the Russian-American who rang me this morning, looking for Australian visa information. In addition to being curious as to why it is so hot in Sydney in December (I told him to blame El Nino, who I think he figured was some South American President), he was very curious to find out that I am single. And he quizzed me ad nauseum about my enduring spinsterhood. An excerpt from our conversation follows:

Me: I don't know why I'm single - but I'm sure it's a long and boring story.

Him: What's wrong with you? Don't you like American men?

Me: Well there's nothing wrong with me, or American men for that matter.

Him: Ahh but you like Australian men too. Perhaps you miss them.

Me: Yes, I'm sure that's all it is.

Him: Perhaps you need a Russian man (insert devilish chuckle here)

Me: You think that would fix me? You know everything.

Him: Well that is the only solution, my dear. Russian men make the best lovers.

Me: I'm sure I've heard that before. Now didn't you call about a visa?

Him: (Devilish chuckle) You are a very sweet girl. I will like Australia I think.

Me: I bet you will. Remember to pack sunscreen.

And so it was that without even having to put make-up on or flirt up a storm at some dodgy bar, I discovered that the world's best lovers are Russian. Look out Australia, one's headed your way, with best wishes from yours truly!