A couple of months ago, you may recall my reflections on a singles party that I went to. The "lock and key" concept was particularly cheesy, and basically involved the girls having to wear a padlock around their neck, and each boy being given a set of keys to open said lock. I had naively thought that the lock/key concept was just a lighthearted gimmick just to break the ice, and was never meant to be taken too seriously.
And in that earlier blog post, I also mused about my inability to stop giving out my phone number when I'm directly asked for it. I know, it's so lame. I don't seem to be quick-witted enough to dream up a fake number, or else think of a polite but firm reason why I don't want that person to call me. So as a result, there are a few fellows out there in the greater Chicagoland area who have my cell phone number, and I get very nervous when my phone rings and flashes up "Unknown Caller".
I hadn't had any reason to even THINK about either of these facts recently; until my cell phone rang at 9am in another part of the office. When I realised I didn't know the number, I was glad I'd missed the call and let it go through to voicemail. Accessing the message, I realised that the call had come from a guy I'd met at the lock and key party - and, surprise surprise, given my cell number to.
But this guy, far from being a single Catholic pediatrician, actually runs an escort agency, the kind that features progressive stripper-waiters (the ones that come to your house fully clothed, serve drinks, and remove an item of clothing or two every hour until they're not wearing anything but a smile. Anyway, the message basically expressed regret for not having been gentlemanly enough to followup on an earlier phone message he'd left me (that I had not returned), but indicating he wanted to see me again "for adult fun". What the?!
So calling on the collective wisdom of my readership, I would welcome your suggestions for how to deflect this sort of attention in future. When asked outright for my cell number, what should I say?
8 comments:
Point 1. I would have thought the title of the blog was your answer.
Point 2. Change your number ...... NOW
The possible answers to the questions "May I have your mobile number please?"
1. No now rack off before I spray your eyes with mace
2. No, there is not enough alcohol in the world for me to give you my number
3. No, my body building ninja assassin girlfriend wouldn't approve
4. Just let me ask my dad. He's over there in the corner.
5. I would but my doctor said I have to wait until the medication clears up my condition before I can "socialise" again - are you happy to wait?
6. (I find this one very effective) No, you're ugly!
Good luck.
Signed "Dear Abbey"
And while we are at it, how about ....
1. Rack of Noddy!
2. If I give you my number, the CIA will send around assassins to silence you .... I'm on a case.
3. I didn't think you had enough brain cells to operate a mobile phone?
4. I can only do that if you leave a non-refundable cash deposit of USD$1,000 to cover the cost of crank calls.
5. I'm not sure that my husband would approve ... it's his phone and I've just borrowed it for tonight. He's in jail for murder but he get's out next week.
6. I'd love to give you my number but my parole officer wouldn't like it.
Ahhhh!!!! the opportunities .....
if u cant say NO, have another cell phone number for 'giving out' to basically unknown persons.
also, dont tell them where u work (or live) - u dont want to become the stalkee to a stalker when he/she cant contact u via the phone
Good work Gab - you're mother's a nervous wreck. Oi vey, you're lucky you're already out of the country otherwise I don't think you'd be allowed out the house.
Guy: Can I have your number?
Gab: I'm not a mumbler
Guy: No your number
Gab: I resent that I'm not a nutter
You get the idea ...
gab resents that she is not a nutter??
Hmm...Adult Fun at 9:OO pm . He's ambitious.
Oops - when will I start paying more attention to my punctuation.
Quite clearly thee were 2 statements there. one being 'I resent that' and the other 'I'm not a nutter'.
Although our recent travels have shown how much fun nutters can have so maybe she does resent not being a nutter ... she can just pretend.
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