All trash, no trailer

Trust me when I say I've had a busy week at work, but I've stayed late a few nights to bring this blog up to date and keep you posted on the adventures Kate and I have been having while she's visiting Chicago.

Kate has done a lot of travelling and has experienced so many things, that it's rare to be able to offer her a truly unique experience.  But I was able to do just that the other night when I scored us tickets to the "Jerry Springer Show", which is taped in Chicago at the NBC studios.  Anyone who knows Kate has to know that she loves reality TV, or at least really trashy TV, for its sheer cringe value.  And EVERYBODY knows that there is scarcely anything more cringe-worthy than Jerry Springer's talk show.

I took a bit longer to be convinced that I wanted to see this show, because my boss had taken her son a few months earlier and they saw the equivalent of a full-on peep show.  Fair enough if the bodies are decent, but somehow with Springer, you know they won't be.  But Kate's enthusiasm was infectious, and we lined up at the studio with my boss's other son and my colleague, Biggsy.

Getting to the front of the line slowly but surely, we were informed that Jerry Springer would NOT be hosting his show, but that the bald security guy Steve would be the compere for the day.  Kate was initially disappointed (and I was too I have to admit), but then I reminded Kate that it was Steve she really wanted to see in the first place.  Too true, she said, too true.  And anyway, we reasoned that Jerry does 160 shows a year, and Steve only does 20, so technically we were a part of TV history here.  Of sorts.

After a very long wait, we were ushered into the studio and got great seats, right at the spot where Steve walks up and shakes hands with his audience members!  Believe me, there was no influence of the Consulate there - it was pure fluke, but what a fantastic stroke of luck in the long run.

Steve's guests ranged from a guy sleeping with his sister in law, to a young 17 year old kid who is having a baby with a girl who was raised as his sister but wasn't really, and a woman who agreed to be a surrogate mother to her friend's baby but who now wants to keep it bla bla.  All the guests were ugly, had bad hair and no brains.  But no story was connected - it was really weird.  Just when the story started to get juicy, the guests would change over and a new storyline would start.  It was so clear that the show is staged, but I tell you - the acting is pretty good.  They must recruit from prison or something, because the 'actors' are so convincingly trashy and are such good liars, you have no idea where they finish and their characters start.

The audience was in fine form though - booing and hissing and chanting evil insults at the losers on stage, all in jest and good fun.  And then one rather rotund young girl in the audience stood up to heap insults on this skinny girl on stage, and they started having a war of words, in typical "Jerry" fashion.  Figuring this was her 10 minutes of fame, the girl from the audience turned around to all of us and pulled down her top, revealing a chest that had obviously not seen any sort of Triumph underwire support in a LOOOOONG time.  Very droopy.  Very hard to erase from one's memory [shudder].

And so it went on for a few hours, and the show came to an end with Steve thanking us all for coming and walking into the audience to say his goodbyes.  He walked around to our row and shook hands with me (crushing all my fingers in the process) and then shook hands with Kate, and then with Daniel - awww it was great!  He's a huge man with a big shiny head and kinda looks like Mini Me from Austin Powers in person.  Well actually, Steve's about 400 times bigger (maybe he's more of a "Supersize Me" instead).

After the show was over and the audience filed out, Kate paid $10 to have a Polaroid photo taken with me and Steve - and then Steve signed it!  What a souvenir...and we both look really thin in the picture too, so that made my night.

I'm not a fan of the Jerry Springer show, and I'm still not, but I have to admit that I had a really good time and enjoyed being part of a crazy crowd experience.  I'm still puzzled at my readiness to chant stupid things like FIGHT LIKE A CHICKEN! and BEAT UP YOUR SON!  But I did it.  And how.