Hey, how ya doin', sorry you can't get through

Back When?
Originally uploaded by sunshine soulplayer.

When I moved into the apartment, I was fortunate for many reasons. Not the least of which is the fact that all the utilities were taken care of, and all the appliances were in full working order. And still are, last time I checked.

But I have been giving serious thought to connecting the phone line, so that I can make and receive decently-priced international phone calls. My flatmates can call their friends and family on their cell phones and talk forever relatively cheaply. After all, Wisconsin is only over the back fence, relatively-speaking. But my situation is a different story altogether.

So I rang the major telephone service provider here in the US. I shall not name it, for fear of any sort of retribution - legal or otherwise. But I spoke to a vacant woman who I also refuse to name. But let's call her Julie. Okay, so I named her. She won't read this blog anyway so ner.

Chatting away to Julie, I explained that I wanted to know whether an existing phone number was still connected at my residence. Given the prominence of phone jacks throughout the apartment, I had the inkling that a previous tenant was a rather prolific user of phone equipment. And I told Julie this, sparing no details.

Julie was silent for a moment, presumably tap-tapping away at her keyboard to investigate the abyss that is the American phone account archive.

But I was wrong. Julie was approaching some sort of catatonic coma, from which I jolted her with a well timed AHEM.

She explained to me that she couldn't tell me whether there was a phone number connected just by searching on an address. Wait for it, I would need to tell her a phone number to search on.

So I told her that I didn't know the phone number; that I didn't even know if there WAS a phone number, and that was the whole reason for my call in the first place.

She agreed. Yes, right, I know what you mean. But we can only search on phone numbers so it doesn't really matter where you live. Cheers, Jules.

Just as I started to wonder when the Candid Camera crew were going to leap out of the air conditioning duct, I figured it was best to instead demonstrate to Julie just how adept I am at using Alexander Graham Bell's device, and I hung up.