Yuletide Verbosity

When Kate turned 21 not too many years ago (!!), I was given the dubious privilege of delivering a congratulatory speech in front of her friends and family.

I found it quite tricky because although I love to talk, presenting a structured, coherent series of engaging thoughts is not usually in my repertoire (something this blog is designed to address I suppose).

So I remember I spoke about the "Guide to Verbosity" that Kate and I had been informally compiling that year. The book was a A-Z guide of the biggest words we could think of to sound as wanky as we possibly could. The speech wasn't funny on reflection, and actually made me and the birthday girl sound kind of sad, but at least it was painless.

At this time of year, I found it amusing to find a collection of rather verbose wannabe Christmas carols on the net that I'd like to share with you:

Oh, member of the round table with missing areas or Oh Holy Night
Wanted in December: top forward incisors or All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth
The lad is a diminutive percussionist or Little Drummer Boy
Cup-shaped instruments fashioned of a whitish metallic element or Silver Bells
Far off in a haybin or Away in a Manger
We are Kong, Lear, and Nat Cole or We Three Kings
Duodecimal enumeration of the passage of the yuletide season or The Twelve Days of Christmas
Our fervent hope is that you thoroughly enjoy your yuletide season or We Wish You a Merry Christmas
Listen, the winged heavenly messengers are proclaiming tunefully or Hark the Herald Angels Sing
As the guardians of the woolly animals protected their charges in the dark hours or Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night
I beheld a trio of nautical vessels moving in this direction or I Saw Three Ships
Jubilation to the entire terrestrial globe or Joy to the World
Do you perceive the same vibrations which stimulate my auditory sense organ? or Do You Hear What I Hear?
Parent was observed osculating a red-coated unshaven teamster or I Saw Mummy Kissing Santa Claus
May the Deity bestow an absence of fatigue to mild male humans or God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Now that's what I'm talking about!!