The funny old land of Oz

I have an issue worthy of some time on the soap box. I am Australian, I support Australian people; I love Australian products; and I join my fellow countrymen to rejoice when we do well in all sorts of endeavour.

But I am also convinced that accolades should be handed out to the truly deserving. All too often we see award shows and benefits where shiny trophies are handed out to the untalented, inarticulate, and the all-round moronic (think The Oscars, The Grammys, the list goes on).

So it is with some disappointment that I hear that Nicole Kidman is hot tip for the Australian of the Year 2005. Can anyone tell me why? Don't get me wrong, I like her. I think she is attractive, talented, articulate. But are these the new criteria for Australian of the Year? If so, give me a break. Let me consider the blurb from the relevant website:

Since 1960 our nation has celebrated the achievement and contribution of eminent citizens through the Australian of the Year Awards. The awards profile leading Australians who are role models for us all. The list of former award winners is a "who's who" of Australian achievers, including:

• Professor Graeme Clark - pioneered the multi-channel cochlear ear implant, allowing young Aussie kids to hear for the first time;
• Sir Gustav Nossal - who discovered why our immune systems don't attack our bodies own systems, which has led to pioneering research in HIV/AIDS;
• Lieutenant-General Peter Cosgrove - Aussie military leader and someone you wouldn't want to mess with;
• Slim Dusty - champion country music star, whose yearly appearance at Tamworth music festival demonstrated a real commitment to his craft;
• Cathy Freeman - a medal-winning athlete who proudly donned a body stocking to take our 400m gold on home soil at the Sydney Olympics - not happy she's going out with Joel Edgerton, but I'll overlook it;
• Dr John Yu - a paediatrician, Dr John opened the Children's Hospital in Westmead as a place where kids can be kids, even if they are sick - bright colours, bouncy couches, loud music;
• Ian Kiernan - recycling guru - King of Clean Up Australia;
• Mandawuy Yunupingu - a former teacher turned lead singer of Yothu Yindi, blending rock and traditional Aboriginal music;
• Ian Thorpe - underwear king, oh and a pretty good swimmer too;
• Poppy King - lipstick guru, failed businesswoman, but rose again like a phoenix from the ashes;
• Kieran Perkins - another good swimmer - confirmed that Aussies should be feared in the pool; milk drinker; and TV commentator;
• Professor Fiona Stanley - cares about the health of Aussie kids, and researches how to prevent major birth defects; and
• Steve Waugh - cricketing legend, fundraiser against childhood poverty.

So it's not uncommon for 'celebrities' to be crowned Australian of the Year, but look at the ones I've cited above - look what they've done. What exactly has Nicole done? We have to pay to see her movies, which she gets paid squillions for - and then consider the media hype around the Chanel No5 TV commercial - what a waste of money for that arthouse piece of crap. Poor Coco Chanel must be spinning in her grave.

Let me reiterate that I like Nicole Kidman, and as an Aussie I'm proud of her success. She has worked hard to get where she is and no one (least of all me) can dispute that. But come on Australia, is it worthy of our national award?!

All I can say is, if I were a military leader, or a pioneering researcher into child healthcare, or an Aussie committed to the health of our environment, I might be a little irritated...