When I was living back at home, I house sat for a former boss of mine when he and his wife went on holiday. Fortunately I only had to look after myself and the house, as his dogs (who I suspect he loved more than the house) were on their own holiday with Grandma & Grandpa.
Taking me on a tour of his house, showing the locations of lightswitches, and demonstrating the finer workings of the hot tub, we ended in the kitchen. He smiled wryly and told me how he'd taken the liberty of stocking the fridge with milk, eggs, and butter to get me started - and he'd also bought a few extra goodies for the freezer. He opened the freezer door rather theatrically and pulled out a single-serve lasagne. "Spinster Lasagne!" he declared, and chuckled to himself hysterically. I had to admit it was kinda funny.
Cooking for one has become my strong suit and I love being able to cook what I want, eat what I can, and freeze the rest. It's a routine and it works.
But tonight I knew the weather would be bad, I desperately wanted a night in, but I was craving steak and vegetables. So off I trudged in the high winds with the greyest of grey stormclouds rolling in overhead, and into the supermarket for a turbo shop.
Getting to the register, I chose my favourite 'checkout chick', who is actually a transvestite. I adore him because he is so friendly and charming and compliments me all the time. Looking at my meagre order, clearly identifying that I was cooking steak and veggies, he smiled at me conspiratorially and said, "ahh, is your baby at home then tonight?".
And I said, "yes".
No sooner was it out of my mouth than I realised what he'd said. And how I'd responded. I'd basically just invented a relationship. By then there was a queue behind me, and I knew everyone had heard, so I couldn't very well correct myself.
So there I was, rambling on about my plans for me and my home-alone baby (who I hope wasn't actually meant to be a baby, rather a grown up man), and dribbling a whole bunch of rubbish about what meal I was going to cook. Naturally the fact that I bought Ben & Jerry's icecream PLUS two boxes of muffin mix only further compounded my domestic bliss lie.
I know that in the scheme of things, this was a white lie, and doesn't count for much, but hey - I even surprised myself about how quickly I fell into this relationship fairyland.
Something tells me though that if my 'boyfriend' happened to see just how quickly I devoured my steak & veggies tonight, he probably wouldn't have been all that attracted...