June Work Cupcakes II
Originally uploaded by princess_of_llyr.
Today is Lexie's official birthday (25 years young - way to go, girl!). When I was searching for just the right sentiment to impart in her birthday card, I thought it might be the time to drop in some words of wisdom about being 25, and what it all means in the great scheme of things.
And then I realised I can't actually remember being 25.
In fact, I came to the realisation that my 20s have all passed by me in a kind of blurry haze. Oh sure, there have been stand-out events over the years, but I can't pinpoint my 25th year and say to Lexie, "You know what? That rocked."
And I think, given how much I've been obsessing over it in the last 48 hours, it's bothering me that I can't say that.
What happened to me? I mean, I have a great memory. Hard as I try, I can't forget faces and, most of the time, I remember the names that go with them. Thanks to my super fabulous diary, I no longer forget where I have to be, and I have an uncanny ability to recall phone numbers. Then again, so did Rain Man, so perhaps don't hold that up as an example.
But on reflection, the last decade has been like one long year - no single age stood out from the rest as the one that has defined me (at least not in any way I can identify now). Don't misunderstand me though. I'm not suggesting that my life to this point has been blah, because nothing could be further from the truth. What I'm saying is that my life isn't a Hallmark card, with one birthday giving me the absolute ultimate, life-altering experience.
So naturally, my over-reacting brain has generated two schools of thought about this. Either the rest of my life is going to be as speedy and foggy as it has been so far leaving me completely incapable of singling out the annus fabulous, or (and this is the more preferable option obviously), perhaps my best is yet to come.
Maybe I'll be able to send Lexie a card for her 32nd birthday, or her 47th, or her 98th, and assure her that THAT year will be her best ever - and I'll be able to say so with authority.
So in the interim, on the occasion of her 25th, my card to Lexie apologised for my early onset alzheimer's and for not having any particular life lessons to impart. Instead, as the big sister she never wanted, I wished her the best for this year and all the ones to come. Surely the warm and fuzzies are all that anyone REALLY wants for their birthday, right?