Thursday, July 13, 2006

Karma, fate, kismet...it still hurts

I think someone "up there" has it in for me. I have already regaled you with the story of how I slammed my finger in my bedroom door and, since you asked, my digit is still only slowly recovering. Then yesterday I rather brusquely introduced my shin bone to the bottom drawer of my work desk - OUCH. Then to cap it all, at lunch time I went to the bakery (to buy lunch DUH) and not-so-gracefully slid on my 2" heels. I hit the floorboards rather heavily sideways, and managed to crunch my shoulder in the process of putting my hand out to stop myself. This morning I feel like I need some rather industrious muscular manipulations in the general neck/shoulder area. Or perhaps I just a few extra hours in bed, fast asleep under the watchful eye of "Aunty Val" (aka Valium, for those of you monitoring the medicine cabinet).

I don't know how to remedy this clumsiness but God knows I want to. Is there some sort of antidote for bad karma? I haven't broken a mirror in the last 7 years, so we're not talking about traditional bad luck here. I am simply a walking disaster area. I am seriously considering erecting a pile of orange traffic cones around myself at all times, to serve as a warning to others.

Courts has even taken to calling me Liz Taylor, in recognition of the film star's own struggles with remaining vertical and subsequently shattering vital body parts. While I am yet to adopt Liz's penchant for pain killers and matrimony, I can see my friend's point. Maybe large diamonds will make me feel better. They certainly sped up Liz's recovery. I shall call it: "Tiffany Therapy".

As a post-script to this entry, I feel the need to reference a very amusing article I read on the Australian ABC's website. While none of these fall-down, self-mutilation incidents have occurred while intoxicated, I will neverthless heed the advice of the Suffolk police force, and ensure that my undergarments are ship-shape in future; just in case, you understand. Confused? Full text of the article can be found here.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

You and Grandma are obviously related. We'll send a photo as proof - and she wasn't intoxicated either.

batreg said...

I am so glad to have a trip over buddy, I thought it was just me for a while there but first there wsa last Friday's tiddly trip in Rundle St - not me you understand but a close acquaintance and a v.funny story - and now poor you, luckily you haven't broken anything and I like the advice you're choosing to follow in wearing nice pants, just make sure they're yours ...

glamah16 said...

As a sleeping fashion designer,I'm inspired to design a whole line of panties for just these occasions. I could even put medical alerts on them , like allergic to penicillian. In case of emergency call...But in the meantime , go to La Perla . Who knows , you might get a cute ER doc.

Jammin'Jemma said...

Maybe you should stop drinking alocohol and then you'll stop falling over? mwahah

As for Liz Taylor, her enjoyment was getting married and that's the reason she remained "horizontal" - communal sshhuuddeerr. Each diamond she bought represented an ended marriage in her life.... (okay, made that up but it sounded good).