The Leaning Tower of Pisa has been slanting for centuries, and has been the subject of ongoing maintenance to ensure that it does not collapse onto the hordes of tourists that clamber to visit it every year. Though having been there myself three times, I wouldn't consider that to be an abominable thing altogether!
But Pisa's tilting monument shows architectural genius way beyond my IKEA bed, which collapsed in spectacular fashion on Saturday morning.
And I'm really sorry to report that there is no sexy story to account for this. The reason for the collapse is plain shoddy dowelling work. The little wooden bitty things holding my bed ends together snapped some time after construction, so my daily routine consisted of making my bed, and then pushing the ends together where the dowels had threatened to come apart. When it came to changing my sheets, there was always the risk that the ends would come apart, weakening the sides of the bed and making it possible for the two sets of slats to fall to the floor - usually in opposite directions - and bringing the mattress along with them.
And that's exactly what happened on Saturday morning. First one side of the bed came undone, then one set of slats fell. The mattress slanted. I was still in the bed at the time. Then the other side of the bed collapsed, and the slats along with it. Then with an almight WHOOMP (there it is!), the mattress and I hit the floor.
Given that this is a G-rated blog, I cannot transpose here the words that I uttered at realising my misfortune. But I can assure you that I have composed a rather nasty mental letter to Mr IKEA. I'm not strong enough to assemble my bed myself, but I was clearly strong enough to hammer the snapped dowels in well enough that they cannot be removed by conventional methods (ie the pointy endy bit of the hammer). Biggsy says I should call up IKEA at Schaumberg, where I bought the bed, and complain that "I am 5 foot nothing, and weigh nothing, so send some men to fix my bed now". Perhaps that is a good tactic.
But the capitalist in me sees much more fun in browsing the bed stores and finding something more reliable to sleep on in future. Nothing I have to construct myself [and nothing that's held together with dowels for the love of all that is sacred!].
Stay tuned for more bedroom adventures. No doubt they will be as riveting as this one.
4 comments:
One of the rare occasions I agree with Biggsy. IKEA have a reputation to protect. The only downside would be trying to tee up a convenient time for their peeps to meet with your peeps.
Anyway, if worse comes to worse you can toss the remnants into the street from your 3rd floor window and put the mattress on the floor - remember to holler "duck" if you take my advice.
I want to know if you fell straight back to sleep again after your matress hit the floor and you swore.
I would have closely followed by an "eh".
Will you and your bedroom hijinx ever end. At least this the PJ's are still there to tell the tale. The PJ's are still there right not forlorn in some shower cubicle in Turkey?
Those PJ's are doing a Lassie even as we speak about them. Right now they have concealed themselves in the back of a truck shipping turnips from Macedonia to Brindizi. Just you wait 'enry 'iggins, just you wait ..... there'll be a rat-tat-tat at the door one cold and frosty night and there they'll be. Home.
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